Lauren Thompson

My name is Lauren Thompson. I met Gautam at the J-school in the fall of 1996.

As I stand up here today I'm reminded of my mom, who has always told me how much she loves attending funeral services. And I could never understand how she could say that. But she says that she is surrounded by so much love and warmth in the room, that she inevitably leaves feeling uplifted. So I hope that we can feel a little bit uplifted here today, in remembering Gautam-someone who was so spiritually connected to the world around him, and so filled with life,

Gautam and I shared a very unique and intimate relationship which was born out of the nine months we spent at the J-school together. Over the course of our friendship, which spanned many years, I shared a lot of "firsts" with him. With some editorial discretion, I would like to offer some of those to you now.

The very first documentary film I ever made was with Gautam. In fact we painstakingly edited it on an analog editing system just upstairs. We had either a philosophical, ethical, logistical or creative debate over probably every single edit we made. It was an invaluable experience for me, and I know it was for Gautam also.
The first time I ever boxed was with Gautam.
My first F-train to Brooklyn.
The first time I ever felt debilitating frustration and debilitating laughter all in the same breath was inspired by G.
The very first time I had ever climbed out onto a window ledge six stories above the ground to retrieve law exams which mistakenly got locked in an empty computer room. (sorry david K.) Gautam of course didn't offer to go get them, but he did cheer me on while watching from the 6th floor ladies room.
My first time attending a gospel church was with him. We went to a lovely service in Queens.
My first time watching Ghandi.
My first introduction to a strip club. (I'll leave it at that)
My first New York New Year's Eve
The first time I ever met a man more obsessed with weight than me. He gave new meaning to the term, "I think I'm getting ripped….don't you think?!"
The first time I ever boarded a plane with someone when moments before takeoff they realized they left and enormous and expensive (property of Columbia) lighting kit, back in the airport by the x-ray machines.
The first time I ever had an email exchange with someone that consisted entirely of made up rap songs written in a kind of Shakespearean rhyme scheme.
The first time anyone had every made up a word for me in my honor. Gautam wrote me a letter about two years ago, and in it he said he knew no words in any language to express how he felt about me and our relationship. So he made up a word. That word was "Mah."
The first time I came to truly understand both the battle and the beauty of collaboration.
And, the first time I ever saw someone dance on the edge of darkness…with grace.
I recently moved, and have been going through a lot of my old papers and things. I found this book, it's a poem by Maya Angelou, that Gautam gave me for my birthday in October, 1997. It's called, "A Brave and Startling Truth." And I think it's not only appropriate for all of us here today, but it speaks to what the whole world is going through right now. I think it can serve to give us strength, so I would like to read it aloud, if I can get through it.

Gautam wrote: "May your life be filled with peace, love and happiness…with an edge. This is my favorite poem (for the time being.) Enjoy it as the world enjoys you. Happy B-day love-child. The world comes alive in your eyes and smile….G"

The inscription inside reads, "This book is dedicated to the hope for peace, which lies, sometimes hidden, in every heart."

A Brave and Startling Truth
We, this people, on a small and lonely planet
Traveling through casual space
Past aloof stars, across the way of indifferent suns
To a destination where all signs tell us
It is possible and imperative that we learn
A brave and startling truth.

And when we come to it
To the day of peacemaking
When we release our fingers
From fists of hostility
And allow the pure air to cool our palms

When we come to it
When the curtain falls on the minstrel show of hate
And faces sooted with scorn are scrubbed clean
When battlefields and coliseum
No longer rake our unique and particular sons and daughters
Up with the bruised and bloody grass
To lie in identical plots in foreign soil

When the rapacious storming of the churches
The screaming racket in the temples have ceased
When the pennants are waving gaily
When the banners of the world tremble
Stoutly in the good, clean breeze

When we come to it
When we let the rifles fall from our shoulders
And children dress their dolls in flags of truce
When land mines of death have been removed
And the aged can walk into evenings of peace
When religious ritual is not perfumed
By the incense of burning flesh
And childhood dreams are not kicked awake
By nightmares of abuse

When we come to it
Then we will confess that not the Pyramids
With their stones set in mysterious perfection
Nor the Gardens of Babylon
Hanging as eternal beauty
In our collective memory
Not the Grand Canyon
Kindled into delicious color
By Western sunsets
Nor the Danube, flowing its blue soul into Europe
Not the sacred peak of Mount Fuji
Stretching to the Rising Sun
Neither Father Amazon nor Mother Mississippi, who, without favor,
Nurture all creatures in the depths and on the shores
These are not the only wonders of the world

When we come to it
We, this people, on this minuscule and kithless globe
Who reach daily for the bomb, the blade and the dagger
Yet who petition in the dark for tokens of peace
We, this people, on this mote of matter
In whose mouths abide cankerous words
Which challenge our very existence
Yet out of those same mouths
Come songs of such exquisite sweetness
That the heart falters in its labor
And the body is quieted into awe

We, this people, on this small and drifting planet
Whose hands can strike with such abandon
That, in a twinkling, life is sapped from the living
Yet those same hands can touch with such healing, irresistible tenderness,
That the haughty neck is happy to bow
And the proud back is glad to bend
Out of such chaos, of such contradiction
We learn that we are neither devils nor divines

When we come to it
We, this people, on this wayward, floating body
Created on this earth, of this earth
Have the power to fashion for this earth
A climate where every man and every woman
Can live freely without sanctimonious piety
Without crippling fear

When we come to it
We must confess that we are the possible
We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world
That is when, and only when
We come to it.
###

And to Gautam, who I know is listening wherever you are, I hope you are coming to know that brave and startling truth that you were always searching for. And know that your spirit continues to live in the lives of all of us, and in the hundreds of people you touched around the globe. And to Gautam, I say, "Mah."