Andrew Coburn

It seems impossible to attempt to encapsulate my twenty years of intense friendship with Gautam in just three minutes. Especially when just over a year ago he delivered a ten minute long rap at my wedding and appeared to be just getting started.

Since the moment I met Gautam as a chubby, preppy ( but somewhat scruffy) seventh grader we have had a connection. Of course he had a connection with most of the class by the end of that year. My serious journey into the world of Gautam began two years later, most likely ignited by our common enjoyment of classes taught by Jerry Carinci. He began making trips to University City and ventured into the loop, while I discovered that St. Louis County actually reached far away lands like Sunset Hills.

When I began spending time and nights over at the Sundaram’s house I immediately became part of the family. I quickly found myself in the master bedroom having an intense conversation with Murali while we watched the Cardinals game. It didn’t take long before I realized that everyone in the family had the ability to cut to the chase, going beyond polite conversation and into meaningful discussion. Radha would sit on the couch with us until 2 AM sharing and listening to views on the cosmos, human nature and the meaning of love. Aparna would join our ongoing dialogue most often when we were gorging on icees, homemade Indian food or Lucky Charms. While we did not interact much with adorable young Priya, she would usually flash us a smile before she zipped off to her room.

Gautam took his family’s acceptance of and interest in all people even further. In the rigidly segregated social circles of high school, Gautam found a way to engage with those stereotypically categorized as jocks, nerds, stoners, brains, as well as everyone else. He was comfortable speaking frankly with seniors as a 7th grader, and with seventh graders as a senior. While so many people interact conservatively at that age, Gautam was always striving to reach out to others. One evening I sat around on the couch while Gautam flipped through the Burroughs telephone book and tried to call everyone in our class. He spoke with about half of our classmates, most of whom seemed shocked that he didn’t want the algebra homework, but rather just to hear how they were doing and what their lives were like. Gautam had the confidence to believe that people would enjoy his conversation, because he took so much joy in theirs.

This receptivity, compassion and fascination with all human life continued throughout Gautam’s life. Several times I introduced Gautam to friends of mine, and soon came to realize that he knew them more intimately after a few hours than I did after a few years. A few hours in Gautam’s company had a lifelong impact on people all over the planet.

I have watched Gautam instantly engage and befriend people from every walk of life. In LA Gautam would avidly quiz my grandfather on coming to adulthood during the depression one minute, and then be trash talking to him during a gin game five minutes later. In Oakland Gautam would help take the youth I worked with on field trips. Instantly he bonded with these kids and had them slapping him five and rolling with laughter.

Gautam made fast friends with the toddler set as well. He kept my daughter Ayanna giggling for the first three years of her life. To get that laughter, Gautam was never beyond getting on his knees, barking like a dog, bugging his eyes and teeth out. He always gave Ayanna the same enthusiastic encouragement his friends received, "come on Ayanna, hit that whiffle ball, you're better than that." "I'm sure you can knock me over if you push a little harder." "Just tell your parents to buy us an ice cream sundae, they'll do it." Ayanna loved Gautam because although he never took her seriously, he always showed her respect beyond her years. While Gautam rarely showed respect to institutions and social traditions, he always gave respect to people.

Gautam is the friend who you cannot help but love. He would express his love and loyalty to us. He would show great pleasure in our company. His faith that this bond of friendship was so deep that it never occurred to him to expect anything other than the same in return. Yes, he did take my only winter jacket when going to visit Priya in Rhode Island. It’s true that I now live in Rochester, NY, and have nothing heavier than a sweater in my wardrobe as November approaches. Nonetheless, I have nothing but love for Gautam Sundaram.

I may have been angry the time Gautam left me alone atop a mountain five or six miles from my Berkeley home. He had dropped me off and returned to my house to pick up Kelly on his motorcycle. When he arrived, Gautam realized that I had not handed him the second helmet. With no way to get Kelly up the hill legally, Gautam decided to just chill with her while I stumbled home over the pavement. My fury did not last all that long as Gautam just laughed at my entrance to the house. He did apologize, but also loved the fact that I had walked the afternoon away while he sat in my house.Gautam hugged me and laughed wildly while pointing at me some more. He said “you know I love you my brother,” before peeling off another burst of laughter.

Gautam's energy allowed him to enjoy each experience to the fullest. When we hit an ocean beach, he would jump into the water and ride the waves until they drove his head into the sand. Gautam would not just listen to a song. He would shout the lyrics, jump up and down on the couch, and banged his head until tendons snapped. Gautam pretended to knock over all of his drums like Keith Moon while watching the climax of “A Quick One” by The Who. He would stop moving only for a second to flash a knowing smile to show that we were all feeling the power of the music.

Most of all Gautam used his energy to convince me, Michael, Ted and Russell to do things we didn't want to. He would regularly talk me into driving 25 minutes to Sunset Hills just to sit and share a bowl of midnight cereal with him. He never failed to convince me that getting on the back of his motorcycle to ride over the windy Golden Gate Bridge for no apparent purpose was a good idea. Just a year ago Gautam got me to go jogging with him an hour before I was supposed to leave the house for my wedding. 15 minutes before departure time we were sitting in our underwear sweating. I made the ceremony, but just barely.

Gautam’s energetic playfulness never ceased. He was constantly engaging his friends in activity, day and night. We would be playing ping pong or in the pool, perhaps outside on the trampoline or tennis court. Any moment might be the last before Gautam pushed you in the car and drove off to the batting cages. In San Francisco in our early twenties this zest led to tackle football games in the dirt and mud of Golden Gate Park. This was the first time either of us ever confessed to feeling old. One night Gautam’s zest for excitement forced me to wrestle Gautam in the South County snow in order to earn a ride home to U City. In all of these moments of competition, Gautam was never competitive. Sure he worked to win, and trashed talked like Gary Payton, but Gautam was never upset or rueful on those rare occasions that he did lose.

For all of his overflowing love and uncountable friendships, Gautam definitely knew how to piss people off. Neither my partner Megan, nor Michael’s partner Catherine initially thought much of Gautam’s sometimes controversial views or his poor domestic cleaning skills. However, they both had a crush on him and enjoyed the invigorating rush of getting into intense, loud debates with him. Eventually Gautam’s powerful display of love towards all four of us won Megan and Catherine over, and they looked forward to his giggles, intensity and affection during visits. Now they, like us, are mourning a devastating and unfathomable loss to our lives and the planet.

During his all to short stay on Earth, Gautam meaningfully touched more lives than most of us can ever hope to. While I don’t want to admit it, he is gone from our lives here. All we can do is carry on and savor life like Gautam did when he shared himself with us. Gautam always realized that the minutae of our daily lives is really hilarious comedy material. He knew that the key to our existence was human companionship at its most open and honest, and exploring the marvels of the universe and Earth with each bit of energy in our minds and bodies. Gautam lived his life with love, curiosity, bravery and incredible intensity. Gautam’s presence in our lives helped us grow closer not only to him, but also with one another. Because of the heartfelt moments Gautam spent with us, we are all better able to discover more wonder and meaning in our lives. Gautam, I love you like a brother and always will.